&& . just talking to the m o o n ---> open

[¡¡ Hayday Hayden !!]

AT NIGHT WHEN THE STARS LIGHT UP MY ROOM

My dear, you need to rest.

I will in a moment, Jasper. I promise.

The gyrfalcon, his white feathers in stark contrast to the dark of the night that enveloped them. Satisfied, knowing she would keep her promise, he churred a soft goodnight before fluffing up his feathers and settling in for the night, curled up at the yearling filly's chest. He was asleep within moments, but the young mare stayed staring up at the night sky.

She "watched" for hours, despite her promise. She had lost track of time, blind eyes staring up at the stars, the moon, almost feeling the light against her eyes. Particularly from the moon. Not a word was said out loud, but inside was a monologue, a prayer of sorts, but yet not a prayer at all. More a speech to someone who wasn't actually there.

I know you're out there, somewhere, momma. I know I shouldn't be trying to find you, you obviously didn't want me, but I can't help it. I want to see you, at least. Know what you're like. Some answers, like why you left me, they would be nice too, but I'm not greedy. I know it'll probably be a tough topic. You can tell me when you're ready, if we ever do meet. I hope we do. I hope you'd be proud of me. I'd like that. For someone to be proud of me. Jas, he doesn't count. He's like family, but it's not the same. I suppose it is getting late, though. The initial jump start of a busy night has quieted down.

Her eyelids slid over the cloudy blue, opening again for one last feel of the light, as if a desperate attempt to see, before she sighed softly, nostrils blowing out warm air and she flickered her ears, a few soft words to be mentioned, this time out loud.

Goodnight, momma.

The filly lowered her head, careful not to disturb her avian friend. Her eyes closed, but she didn't sleep. Sleep wouldn't come. Not tonight. It rarely did, these nights where she "spoke" to "her mother". Perhaps it would be easier if she'd known the mare, even if only for a few days. But she would never know, she supposed. So her eyelid slipped open again out of habit, ears listening for danger, nose alert for some new scent she might catch.

I SIT BY MYSELF TALKING TO THE MOON

[Rise]

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[atrb=background,http://i509.photobucket.com/albums/s333/Busstuck_McGee/postingtablebackground-2-1-1-1-1-4.jpg] -> The regal fae walked through the forest, weaving between trees as she saw fit. Her painted pelt dashed by the shadows of the trees in the moonlight. Her mismatched eyes cast heavenward as she noticed that the moon was full. A pale orb dangling in the heavens, beckoning her. Her hooves picked over the roots of the trees, careful to retain her footing on the land. Once the forest began to thin, she found it less and less necessary to watch her feet, and thus kept her head pointed toward the moon. -> Why was the Queen of the Earthsong out at this hour, you may ask? The fae found herself unable to sleep and thus followed the moon as she often did in times of unrest. Something stirred deep within her soul, pushing her ever forward, calling to her, summoning her. There was something different about tonight. Something that she hadn't felt on her previous sleepless nights. Yes, there was definately something different about tonight. Something weighing on her heartstrings, tugging them ever so gently in the direction of her summoner. -> As the femme recovered her thoughts, she broke the treeline and her eyes found a lump of something on the ground. Taking in the scents around her, she caught the scent of the lump on the ground. It was a foal, more of a yearling actually, and smelled familiar. She couldn't quite place it. As she stepped closer, she caught sight of the fillies legs, and it all dawned on her. This "lump" on the ground was her daughter. Her daughter was alive and well. Her eyes widened in disbelief as she froze in her place, shocked to the bone. -> Something inside her wanted her to approach the filly, nudge her to her feet. Tell her everything that she wanted to know. Apologize for leaving her. Bring her home with her. Take her in and try again with motherhood. Mother. She was a mother. She had a daughter. The color of her father, but those legs. She couldn't forget those. Why had she abandoned her in the first place? Italy was young and foolish. She should have never abandoned her. Had she been smarter, she would have taken the foal under her wing, keep her. Protect and raise her. How had she survived? A whole year without her real mother? How was this possible? -> Then something more serious hit her. What if the filly didn't want anything to do with her? She shouldn't. Italy had abandoned her, making it clear that she wanted nothing to do with her. She hadn't even cared enough to name her. What was her name? Oh how foolish she was. She was a complete idiot for leaving her. She didn't deserve to meet her daughter. She should just turn away and go back to her lands. -> So why couldn't she move? Her nerves had rooted her to the spot, and so she stood, still as stone, in the prescence of her daughter. She should speak. She couldn't. Nerves had sealed her lips as well. A breeze opened and blew her banner and whip, playing in the strands. Tiny fingers in a maze of white. Her banner seemed to glow in the moonlight, her white pelt reflecting a blueish glow of the night. The breeze, first warm, had a chill at the end of it, causing her to shiver slightly, despite the warm weather. Though at this point, she was sure that the wind had nothing to do with her shiver. She was excited. ->Excited to see her daugther.

[¡¡ Hayday Hayden !!]

AT NIGHT WHEN THE STARS LIGHT UP MY ROOM

It was a peaceful night, so for the most part, she had ignored the steps of feet. They sounded broad, fairly flat, like hooves. At a distance, though, it was difficult to distinguish between an horse, a moose and a deer. But when they began coming closer, her ears flicking to catch the sound better. Definitely equine, she decided, as the sounds pulled ever closer. But when they came even closer, within a few meters, the filly leaned back and shot to her feet, startling the white bird at her chest awake as he flapped out of the way, narrowly avoiding the blindly aimed hooves.

Her ears swivelled, searching for noise, any noise. Breathing, a heartbeat. At the same instance, her nose raised to the wind, catching a very slight whiff of something undeniably equine, and innately familiar, but unable to place it within her mind. Finally, she could have sworn she had pinpointed the other horse and she took a tentative step closer. Her aim was off, the step off to the other mare's left. Jasper leaped into the air, flapping his wings and landing on her withers, talons wrapping into her mane, tapping her right shoulder with his wing.

That way, dear. You're hearing echoes again.

He whispered softly. Her ears flattened in embarrassment, though she shouldn't have been so embarrassed at all. She'd almost not been off at all, which was excellent considering she couldn't see a thing. She adjusted her front end with a side step to face the other, and Jasper finally took a good look at the mare across from them and his feathers collapsed in or themselves a bit. The mare; the same mare he'd watched abandon the filly just a little over a year ago. But he said nothing. Not yet, anyway.

Who is it? Who's there?

Her voice was strangely confidant, considering her cloudy blue eyes would be clearly visible to any who peered in her direction closely enough. The dark of the night hid them a bit, but nowhere near enough to make them unnoticeable, especially with the bright glow of the moon.

I SIT BY MYSELF TALKING TO THE MOON

[Rise]

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[atrb=background,http://i509.photobucket.com/albums/s333/Busstuck_McGee/postingtablebackground-2-1-1-1-1-4.jpg] -> Italy's eyes widened as she realized what the other scent was, but hadn't been able to place it. A gryfalcon who appeared to be her daughter's aid. The same one that she had noticed when she had left her. As she turned to face her, the first thing she noticed were her eyes. At first glance, they appeared the same blue that her left eye was, but once Italy looked closer, she could see that the filly was blind. She immediately felt horrible. Had she been born that way? Had something bad happened to her? Italy's heart, however small it may have been, not only grew, but weighed her chest down with sadness and hate. Not for her daughter, no. Never. But for herself. How could she have been so... ugh. She snorted, stamping a hoof. She was angry with herself. -> When her daughter spoke, she sounded confident. Resisting the urge to run her undeserving hide away from her daughter, she opened her mouth to speak. However, no words formed, so her mouth just gaped like that of a fish. A fish out of water. What would she say? "I'm your sorry assed mother who abandoned you?" "I'm Italy?" "Daughter, it's me?" None of those seemed right. Mother was the term used for the lucky who had the chance to actually raise their child. She didn't want to say her name, because she wanted to be considered someone. Daughter was a term that mothers (which she was not) used to call their female offspring. Failing for words, Italy took a step forward, her eyes focused on her daughter. For petes sake, she didn't even know her name. Coming nose to nose with her, she breathed her in, her eyes peering into her daughters, unsure of what she could and couldn't see. They then went to the falcon, pleading for some sort of help. Italy was lost. Lost for everything. Words. Actions. Hope. Finally something slipped into her mind. -> It's me. The one who gave birth to you. She said. It was all entirely true. Giving birth to the filly was all that she had managed to do in the short time that they were together. Her mismatched eyes then went to the falcon, unsure of what to do next.

[¡¡ Hayday Hayden !!]

AT NIGHT WHEN THE STARS LIGHT UP MY ROOM

The words startled the filly. She blinked, flinched back a moment. She'd just been talking, albeit silently, to her mother, theoretically. Not in a way her mother would hear. And now, suddenly, out of nowhere, here she was. Jasper was giving her a rather dark look, completely and utterly protective over "his" filly. He couldn't help but let out a startled chirp as Hal took a step forward, confused yet excited at the same time. Her ears were flickering, uncertain quite what to listen for. She did arch her neck, however, somehow letting her get that little bit closer. Her nostrils quivered, pulling in the scent almost greedily.

M-momma?

The confidence wavered in that brief moment, but she didn't care, didn't notice. She managed to restrain herself from spinning and pressing up against her mother's side for that comfort, that feeling of being protected, that she had never really known. There had been a surrogate mother, yes, but it hadn't been the same. Or, at least, she doubted it had been the same. She didn't actually have anything to compare it to.

I SIT BY MYSELF TALKING TO THE MOON

[Rise]

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[atrb=background,http://i509.photobucket.com/albums/s333/Busstuck_McGee/postingtablebackground-2-1-1-1-1-4.jpg] -> That's right sweetie. Italy said, looking up at the hawk.Momma. She called me momma. I do have a chance! She noticed the dark look that she was getting, but paid it little heed. Instead, she looked down on her daughter, and for the first time, she felt like she had someone. Someone who mattered. Someone who cared. It was found in her daughter, and should have been found a long time ago. -> This was her chance to do motherhood over again. This time she would be better. Despite the fact that Italy had missed crucial points in her daughters life, she would try her best to make up for it, and ensure the fact that her daughter would have the best life imaginable. I'm so sorry. She said, looking at Jasper, extending her apology to him first, then looking back at her daughter. For everything. For leaving you. For sucking at being a mother. For everything. She said, hanging her head. I was young and stupid. I shouldn't have been so careless. If you can forgive me, I'd like to try again. I want to be a part of your life... She said, trailing off. We can start with you telling me your name? She half said, half asked. -> The way that Italy was feeling inside could not be explained no matter how well versed you were. She was feeling so many things. Joy, fear, anger, remorse. Mostly joy though. In fact, joy wasn't enough to describe it. It had been a long while since she had thought that she would meet her daughter, despite the fact that she wanted nothing more than to do that very thing. Then there she was. Led here by a whim, she had found the one that she had long searched for. Roughly a years time had been spent in pursuit of the filly, and now she was able to reap the reward of her time.

[¡¡ Hayday Hayden !!]

AT NIGHT WHEN THE STARS LIGHT UP MY ROOM

Jasper did not accept the apology. Instead, he flitted off to settled on a rock, glaring at the mare a moment more before bluntly ignoring her, only staying awake in order to make sure she didn't do anything to Hal. Hal, however, was the complete opposite, pressing closer. She couldn't see, so she let her lips run along the other mare's neck, her face, getting as clear a picture as she could without taking her eyes off of her mother, even though she couldn't see her.

Hallie. My name's Hallie.

She replied, losing all sense of calm, polite formality she may have had. Instead, she was acting like the young horse she truly was, overexcited and hardly able to contain herself. It was one of the two reactions she could have reasonably had, but Jasper was wishing she had gone with the other. The one where she hated her mother, perhaps hurt the mare physically or verbally, and then left the older mare be for good. But, clearly, that was not going to happen. He was not happy. This mare did not deserve to be forgiven. If he had not been there, Hallie would have died. Now, many young died and that was not what had bothered him. It had been the fact that she would have died completely alone with not a single other who would have cared or noticed. But, he said nothing. Not while Hallie was there. Clearly, she was happy. He would just have to make sure she did not get her heart broken.

I SIT BY MYSELF TALKING TO THE MOON

[Rise]

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[atrb=background,http://i509.photobucket.com/albums/s333/Busstuck_McGee/postingtablebackground-2-1-1-1-1-4.jpg] -> As she was told the name of her daughter she smiled. Attempting to hold still as Hallie examined her features, she couldn't help but to have all her other feelings replaced by nothing other than joy and relief. She was relieved to know that her daughter was not only alright, but she was healthy and she had finally found her. Hallie. She said to herself more than out loud. Beautiful. She said after, looking down into the fogged eyes of her daughter, her own vision beginnning to swim. As she blinked, a tear rolled down her cheek, falling to the withering grass beneath them. There, it shone, sparkling as it rolled down the blade to the soil from which it sprung. Reaching the dark soil beneath, there it would rest forever. Just as Hallie would rest in her heart. -> Her eyes then closed, allowing Hallie to lip about her features as she pleased, and she took the time to examine her as well. The most striking things, other than her eyes, were her legs. They were so much like her own. The stripes resembled her own, but everything else was her father. She shut her eyes tighter as she thought of the stallion whom had sired her first born. She knew that he was nothing but trouble from the day that they met, but that was what attracted her to him. He was a bad boy. A rogue outside of her herd, and she gave in to his wishes and allowed him to breed her. No, it hadn't been out of love or anything else near the word, but more for lust, rebellion, need. -> It was her own way of striking out at her parents, strict as they were. It also sated her need to do something daring. Lust, because he was so handsome, to her at least. He was the color of burnished wood, with mane and tail of charcoal, and legs of the same. Except for a single white mark in the center of his chest. A odd shape of sorts, Like the tip of an arrow, but with a horizontal line through the mid section. His name, which still brought chills to her, had been Alfonse. -> It was then that she noticed the falcon had flown off. She knew that he probably had a few choice words for her, but that would have to wait. He had seen everything that happened that dark september night, but he had not interfered with her then to tell her what she was doing was wrong. To tell her that she was making a mistake. Nothing. So why did it matter so much now? What business of it was his? She was safe now, he could continue his life without either of them. She scoffed inwardly. She knew that he wouldn't do that. That would make him just as bad a parent as she was. He would be doing the same thing that she had done to her. Leaving her. Although she wouldn't be alone this time, the logic was still the same. -> Regardless, she was with her daughter now. She would never leave her again.

[¡¡ Hayday Hayden !!]

AT NIGHT WHEN THE STARS LIGHT UP MY ROOM

Hallie took much longer than she usually would. She wanted the best image she could form of this mare, of her mother. She wished she could compare the older mare to herself, see how similar they were, but that would never happen, so before that desire grew too strong, she pushed it away. She was used to doing that, putting certain wishes and dreams aside because she knew they would never happen because of her condition. When she was done, she pulled back, silent for a moment. She had a question, a rather important one, but her manners were kicking in and it sounded rather rude in her head. She was playing with wordings, trying to make it sound better but not really succeeding. Still, she needed to know. She may not like the answer, but she needed to hear it, she knew this.

Momma... why... why did you leave me?

Her voice nearly cracked, but she avoided that. Still, it was a sad voice, as if her mom had known something was wrong with her and had left her for that reason, as if she, Hallie, had done something wrong. Like she was at fault. She was fairly confidant in herself usually, but this meeting, it brought back the doubts from her very young days. Jasper had stomped them out then, but they'd never been fully gone. The answer would solve everything. It would either tear her apart or reassure her. There really wasn't any in between in this case. It was a painful reality, but she was used to painful realities. She lived one every day.

Jasper's head had perked up at the question. He hadn't thought she would ask, but he should have known better. She was very down to earth, considering her age. She preferred to face things head on, to deal with things in a rather mature fashion. Clearly the exact opposite of her mother in that aspect. But, then again, despite having a mother-figure, Hal had very nearly raised herself, even with his assistance. He almost looked proud that she'd asked, expecting her mother to crush her hopes, which he knew would make Hallie leave and never look back.

At least, that was his hope.

I SIT BY MYSELF TALKING TO THE MOON